so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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