I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
