if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
