she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
