non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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