What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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