I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
