You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize