Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
