Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
