I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My balls are so social today.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
