So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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