sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize