it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
