So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize