I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
