I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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