If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
