Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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