I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
