he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
