I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
