You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Randomize
