I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
