Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
