the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
