Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
