I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
