Dude my mom stole all your condoms
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
