You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
