Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
