i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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