Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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