just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
