Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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