so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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