somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
