take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
