i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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