is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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