My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
