What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
