when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My vagina just recognized that song.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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