I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
