I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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