The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
