lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
