The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
