I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
