I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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