she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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