I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
