Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
