Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
