im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
