trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
