I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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