she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
