He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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