sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
