Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
