I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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