Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
