I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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