I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
