At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Randomize
