I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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