new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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