i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
