that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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