There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
