i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
