I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
