ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We left the knife in your bed.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
