Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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