My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
