all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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