when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
