So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
