I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
